For the past few nights Cole has wanted to be close to me while he goes to sleep. We have tried to put him in his own bed. He cries and bangs on the door. My heart can't take listening to him cry out for his mommy; so, I give in and let him get in bed with me. He isn't satisfied to just lay next to me - he wants to feel me there. He grabs my hand and puts it across his chest or wraps his arms around my arm - like he doesn't want me to get away.
Last night Cole made me think of my mom and how I want her to be close. She lives on the opposite side of the country in Washington State; but, she is only a phone call away. I talk to my mom regularly. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a day when I couldn't just pick up the phone and hear her voice.
My mom called me about a week ago and mentioned that she had to go in for a colon test. My mom is 82. I figured it was a routine thing. Sunday she called and said, "Well, I might as well tell you now, I have cancer." She said it all in such a casual way - like I should be expecting this and it is not a big deal. My head has been in a bit of a fog since then.
On Monday I was reading, in a church magazine, a story about Ester (from the bible.) In the story it said Ester was going into a dangerous, potentially life threatening situation, and she asked the people to fast on her behalf.
I decided that I would tell my family Esters story, and relate it to how Grandma is in a "dangerous situation" - going into surgery to have the cancer removed, and I asked them if they would join me and fast for her. Alexis cried for a few minutes and then she calmed down and made a sign to help us remember to fast. (Cole added his scribbles too.)
I didn't get a lot of rest last night. I asked my family in Washington to call me when the surgery was over; but, I think they must have decided it was too late with the 3 hour time difference. I had fallen to sleep but woke at 1:30 AM worried that I hadn't heard from anyone so I called the hospital. The nurse told me the surgery was over and she is stable.
I feel a bit like Cole. I'd like to be able to touch my mom - wrap my arm around hers and not let her go. Since that is not possible - being so far away, I am grateful for the comfort of knowing that I will be able to hear her voice again.